Download or read book Sorry, We Can't Use Funny written by Barry Parham and published by PM Productions. This book was released on 2011-10-11 with total page 198 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Following the success of his first book, the 2009 sleeper, "Why I Hate Straws," online humor columnist Barry Parham delivers again. Satire at its best! Includes the award-winning stories "Actuarial Family Theater" and "Perfect!" on Fads & Fashion... In the interest of full disclosure, I admit there's an extant 1970's photo of me and a date, posing for the obligatory parental pre-prom photo. My date was gorgeous, and sane. I, on the other hand, showed up with the hair of a medieval barber. I looked like an electrocuted yak. on St. Valentine's Day... Somehow, February got this reputation as a month of romance, maybe because it's cold. Plus, football's gone and we're stuck with the wildly popular sport of bowling, where you almost never get to see any serious violence. St. Valentine's Day contains vestiges of both early Christian and ancient Roman traditions, alongside other time-honored traditions, like hot-dish picnics and mass public executions. Holiday Factoid: "vestiges" is the classical Greek plural of "vest." on Typos... A local TV station was updating the community on snowstorm-based church closings. According to the typists at the station, there was a church somewhere called St. Martyer. Imagine - an entire religious sect dedicated to turning people into Ernest Borgnine.