Download or read book Unresolved Conflict in Significant Relationships written by Roberta Toll and published by . This book was released on 1990 with total page 208 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: The experience of unresolved conflict in significant relationships is distinguished by invariant constituents and qualities that may be regarded as universals. Permeating the experience is an overriding sense of chronic movement toward dependency and, at the same time, an unyielding determination to separate. the majority of the coresearchers described lives that were torn with conflict between longing to be free and longing to be attached. the relationship remained a no win situation, characterized by two equal competitive desires--the need to cling to the significant other, and the need to gain independence from the significant other. the coresearchers repeatedly involved themselves in a search, compulsively at times, to find answers that would end the conflict and transform the relationship in a way that would free them to move on with their lives. Indeed, it is this "moving on" that is so difficult for some and seemingly impossible for others to achieve. the unresolved conflict itself becomes a powerful diversion, draining the person's energy to such a degree that little or no energy is directed toward achieving autonomy. Again and again, the significant relationship brings conflict, acts as a motivator to continue argumentation and defend oneself against the emotional chains that enslave the relationship. In this way, the coresearchers carry with them the baggage of the past. They are hounded by humiliation, fear, anger, and an alphabet soup of painful experiences. Implications of the study are explored and suggestions are made for further research of questions related to clinical psychology.